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37 comments:
You don't post a comic for over two weeks and this is what you post? We now have proof you are part of the international Mexican Homosexual Zionist cabal trying to put extra fluoride in our water. FOR SHAME!!!
Hey Paul! You lost! Hahahahahahahahaha! Pwned!
Hey Dennis,
Suck it. Guess who conducted a "routine check-up" on your wife last night? Oh yeah... Mr. Gold Standard, baby. Too bad Pelosi makes you sit at the kids' table in the Democratic Caucus with Maxine Waters. Sucks to be you.
Hey Paul! Leave Dennis alone, you friggin' troll, quit wasting bandwidth. Some of us actually have lives. L8rs....
Dude, Sharpton I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't leave Paul alone. Us House Republicans gotta stick together these days with your man in the Big House (I mean White House, not jail, although with you colored folks you always gotta be careful). P.S. I'm not racist!
-D.Bone
D.Bone: OH NO YOU DIDN'T! I'M THROUGH FUCKING WITH YOU ASSHOLES. I'M RA(H)MMING HEALTHCARE DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT!
Sharpton: I thought I told you to shut the fuck up? What the hell?
Sorry man, I just got upset, you know how it is.
NO! I said shut the FUCK up! Everytime you say something, these moron Republicans get up in arms and more mobilized. Just go to fuckin' Disneyworld or something! You need to quit going on Fox News so much, too.
And you wondered why I didn't give you a cabinet position...
Obama Suxxx!!!! LOLZ!111
Hey! Is that you John McCain? You think you can just keep writing snide anonymous comments about me and get away with it? What are you doing here anyway, you don't even like Ron Paul! I tried to be your friend, man, but you were a dick to me...
Guess again, Mr.I-won't-wear-a-flag-pin-and-maybe-I-wasn't-really-born-in-the-US-and-could-be-a-Muslim-donchaknow...
Palin! You know you're dead to me! How's being a governor in the worst recession since the Great depression workin' out for you?
Oh FUCK! I knew there was something I should have been doing...
Err.. Great! I love being a Gov. over here in REAL AMERICA. I'm coming to knock you off in 2012, sucka. See you then, if you can see me through the wreckage of your Jimmy-Carter-presidency that is...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Good luck with that, lady. I'm gonna fix this fuckin' economy, and you're gonna be stuck up in Nome forever!
But on a more serious note... I've been thinking a lot about you. I don't know... I know we weren't good for each other, and I know you kept calling me all sorts of names and basically inciting your lunatic followers to kill me, but... I don't know... There's just something strange... You're such a MILF... err... Look, I know we have a lot of differences and all, but we should be working on bridging these gaps and thrusting forward to forge a more bi-partisan America. And that might be helped along if I grabbed your MILF titties, I'm just sayin'.
OH SHIT, Michelle's coming, hit the cell, girl.
Barack? Really? Oh my god... I never knew. I mean, I hoped the whole campaign that I would make you so mad that you would come over and yell up in my face so we could get all angry-tense and then just start making out, maybe you'd slide your hand across my back, down my legs, grab me, throw me down.......
Uhh... well, I never even really wanted to run with McCain, and he kept grabbing my ass anyway, every time Cindy was out of sight. I just want to feel you in me. DRILL BABY DRILL! You free this Friday?
Look, leave the metaphors to me, this oil stuff just makes me floppier than Fred Thompson's jowls. I like renewable, green energy. As in a limitless supply of lovin' comin' your way. I'll tell Michelle I gotta try to spread Bipartisanship among Republican governors. I just might have to spend a little extra time up there in Juneau....
Sarah? What the fuck, you trollope! You cost me the fucking election, I should have just listened to Cheney and had them declare a state of emergenc--**REDACTED FOR NATIONAL SECURITY**
John, I'm sorry, I tried my best. You just sucked. Ass. Try not to be bitter. You're still senator...
Pwned, McCain, Pwned!!!! hahahahaahahahhaahahah
This is slightly off topic, but I just wanted to say, in the words of Winston Churchill that "We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."
We are, then, in the moment of supreme danger, when our supporters might be inclined by the recent setback in the Illinois legislature to conclude that we are finished. I think I speak for all patriotic Americans when I say that this minor chance happening of an impeachment conviction will not stop me from fulfilling my duties as Governor of the Great State of Illinois. God bless!
Dude, you were fuckin' impeached and removed. Go away! You already fucking ruined my life. They know all about our deal. You fuckin' suck! Three weeks ago I had my balls in Harry Reid's mouth, and now he's gettin' ready to bitch slap me out of the Senate. You're not invited to little Roland and Rolanda's birthdays this year. I hate you.
Roland, in the words of Tennyson:
"Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
Of me you shall not win renown:
You thought to break a country heart
For pastime, ere you went to town.
At me you smiled, but unbeguiled
I saw the snare, and I retired;
The daughter of a hundred earls,
You are not one to be desired.
Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
I know you proud to bear your name,
Your pride is yet no mate for mine,
Too proud to care from whence I came.
Nor would I break for your sweet sake
A heart that dotes on truer charms.
A simple maiden in her flower
Is worth a hundred coats-of-arms.
Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
Some meeker pupil you must find,
For, were you queen of all that is,
I could not stoop to such a mind.
You sought to prove how I could love,
And my disdain is my reply.
The lion on your old stone gates
Is not more cold to you than I.
Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
You put strange memories in my head.
Not thrice your branching lines have blown
Since I beheld young Laurence dead.
O, your sweet eyes, your low replies!
A great enchantress you may be;
But there was that across his throat
Which you had hardly cared to see.
Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
When thus he met his mother’s view,
She had the passion of her kind,
She spake some certain truths of you.
Indeed I heard one bitter word
That scarce is fit for you to hear;
Her manners had not that repose
Which stamps the caste of Vere de Vere.
Lady Clara Vere de Vere,
There stands a spectre in your hall;
The guilt of blood is at your door;
You changed a wholesome heart to gall.
You held your course without remorse,
To make him trust his modest worth,
And, last, you fix’d a vacant stare,
And slew him with your noble birth.
Trust me, Clara Vere de Vere,
From yon blue heavens above us bent
The gardener Adam and his wife
Smile at the claims of long descent.
Howe’er it be, it seems to me,
’Tis only noble to be good.
Kind hearts are more than coronets,
And simple faith than Norman blood.
I know you, Clara Vere de Vere,
You pine among your halls and towers;
The languid light of your proud eyes
Is wearied of the rolling hours.
In glowing health, with boundless wealth,
But sickening of a vague disease,
You know so ill to deal with time,
You needs must play such pranks as these.
Clara, Clara Vere de Vere,
If time be heavy on your hands,
Are there no beggars at your gate,
Nor any poor about your lands?
O, teach the orphan-boy to read,
Or teach the orphan-girl to sew;
Pray Heaven for a human heart,
And let the foolish yeoman go. "
I think that about sums up my case...
Dude, do you even know what the fuck you're quoting? Or do you just go to google, search "tenysun cool poeum" and paste the first thing you find into your speeches? We're done! I'm not talking to you anymore, and I'm not giving your brother the money we agreed on. Suck on that mother fucker!
You see? Democrats are corrupt. BAR BAR BAR. Chicago Machine politics. BAR BAR BAR. I hate jews and black people and especially queers. BAR BAR BAR. We GOP are the party of ideas. BAR BAR BAR.
Boehner,
Really... Shut the fuck up. I got this. You guys fucked up. Big time. We got no shot, unless you do exactly as I say. Even if you do, our only hope is the economy sucks bad enough that 50%+1 Americans forget how bad the Dubya was and vote us back in. For the time being, find some faggot to be House minority leader. No, I'm serious. Call up Foley or Craig... Oh shit, they both got voted out... Well call up the next best queer then, Ron Paul, and tell him he's Minority leader. And you should tell McConnell that he's gotta give up his job to some lady or Asian. And seeing as there's no Asians, in the senate, I guess we gotta give it to Gillebrand. I know she's not technically an R, but it doesn't matter, she's cool with us more than Snowe and Collins are.
Peace out!
I'm not GAY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PWNED PAUL, PWNED! LOLOLOLOLOHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!1111111
Dennis! Tell them! I'm not gay! That thing that happened between us, it was just a fluke! We're not gay! We agreed on that, didn't we? TELL THEM!
Ron,
We had buttseks. We're both gay. You didn't fuck my wife and we both know it. I love how you're a marginal figure within your party just like me in mine. I want you. You complete me. You make me happy. Let's just go to Canada and get married. I'll just leave my wife...
Woah, Elizabeth's gonna be free? I'm just lettin' everybody know that she's mine. I call dibs. Obama's called Palin, and I'm the next senior Democrat... So I get that fire crotch.
-Bubba
BILL! YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT! I AM NOT LETTING YOU EMBARRASS ME LIKE YOU DID IN '98. You're MY bitch now, so start acting like it. You're getting your dick chopped off the second I get back. Idiot.
B-b-bb-b--bb-but Hill, I thought you were in Asia? How can you read this there, I didn't mean anything... it depends on your definition of ... of fuck it. Any single ladies in D.C. wanna get fucked by an ex-prez before he goes all Eunuchy? Anybody, really... even the uglies...
Bill, they get the internet in Asia, you fucking dumbass. Any ladies who are thinking of taking my husband up on his offer... be warned. I'm on the look out for you....
You know... Extramarital sex isn't the worst thing in the world....
I'm REALLY NOT GAY! DENNIS IS LYING! I'M NOT GAY! I'M JUST INCREDIBLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE FEDERAL RESERVE!
That's what we're calling it now, huh? The "Federal Reserve"? Well, I got a whole lot of "Federal Reserve" built up from the last time I rode you.
P.S. BILL GOT PWNED!!! HAHAHAHAHAAH LOLOLOLOL!!!!!1111111
HaLF a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
'Forward the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns!' he said.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
II
'Forward the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
III
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
Rode the six hundred.
IV
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd.
Plunged into the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not,
Not the six hundred.
V
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
VI
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made!
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!
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